Advice
Robert E. Horseman, DDS
“Dear Dr. Bob,” writes agitated reader Carlin Matson, “I am sick and tired of reading the results of polls taken to discover what patients want and how to cater to their needs. This subject has been done to death,” he goes on. “By this time every dentist in the world knows what patients want and how to give it to them.”
Dr. Matson’s discomfiture is not easily assuaged. “I am also weary of thousands of practice management companies offering for a price to let me in on the secret of how to increase my income, excite my staff into a frenzy of self-motivated office efficiency and infuse me with the enthusiasm and energy I had when I was eighteen with my first set of wheels.”
The good doctor has only himself to blame. He reads too much. Much dental literature is of the advertisement-supported variety. The subscription is free. So that the publication won’t be entirely made up of ads, each one touting its product to be the best possible solution to every dentist’s problem, short articles are inserted here and there to relieve the hype.
Unfortunately, the hype is not relieved; it is exacerbated by the articles’ content. For example, how many times do you want to read “Zoom Your Practice to Stratospheric Heights with Cosmetic Dentistry?" Only a dentist who has just awakened from a twenty year coma needs to peruse “101 Ways to Bleach Teeth Your Assistant Can Do In Her Spare Time.” How many new dentists with multi-thousand dollar debts to service need to learn “How To Fund Your Pension Plan Through Clever Investment Strategies Involving Wolverine Breeding?”
Most dentists are so thoroughly saturated with internal and external marketing hoopla, the mere mention of the word “marketing” is enough to initiate an instant response in those nerve centers controlling emesis. Why don’t we read about something called “managed care” more frequently? There’s a verdant subject hardly touched on except in newsletters, periodicals, magazines, journals and flyers telling us how to get in on it or stay out of it. Really!
The truth is, there are only six subjects that dental publishers use to flesh out their publications each month. These are printed on a rotating basis so that each topic is repeated every other month with a new title. They are:
v Economics. Basically, dentists are advised to invest wisely, save prudently and if in doubt, buy low, sell high. The word “portfolio” appears regularly, although 6 out of 10 dentists think it refers to an Italian city on the Adriatic.
v Patient relations. Skilled writers who are being paid by the word have expanded the Golden Rule to the length of the Congressional Record. See “Be Nice” in 10,000 words, or more.
v Practice Management. It has become incumbent upon somebody to regularly point out to dentists that dentistry is a business as well as a profession. They would never have thought of this themselves. It has to be repeated every month because dentists have the attention span of gerbils and forget easily. PM firms confide on every other page that for upwards of $295, dentists can buy a day out of the office and get a gourmet lunch, catered by Denny’s. They can leave the course happy in the knowledge that what they learned last time is still valid.
v Marketing. Marketing is the buzzword of the Eighties, the Nineties and probably the mid-21st century unless the mention of it becomes a felony punishable by death. Unfortunately, you won’t get to vote on this.
v New products. Every month there are revelations of new products. If the manufacturer can’t think up a new one by himself, the ad people can change the package and the color of the page to produce a revolutionary breakthrough in deviousness.
v Techniques. If red is ever declared an illegal color, this subject will have to be dropped. Many of these sanguineous photos of before and after techniques are awe-inspiring and suitable for framing to display in an abattoir.
Out of the 100 pages in the average dental publication, those attracting the most interest are the Letters to the Editor. Here is where dentists can exchange ideas and opinions to their mutual benefit.
Editor: “In response to Dr. Arnold Potts’ response to my earlier response, let me say that I appreciate Dr. Potts’ well-intentioned criticism of my stand on blue-bristled toothbrushes. I’m sure if he had not purposely misinterpreted what I wrote previously, we would not be having this discussion. Perhaps if Dr. Potts had taken the trouble to actually read my treatise, he would not present himself as such a cretinous doodyhead. Sincerely, Forest Ganglia, DDS”
Editor: “Dr. Ganglia has a good point and I am proud to be a member of a profession that would allow such differences of opinion to be expressed. I wish to thank him for taking the time to bring his moronic misconceptions to a public forum where popular demand will hasten his return to the position of shoe clerk where his talents are more suited. Fraternally, Arnold Potts, DMD.”
So, Dr. Matson, if you find regular dental literature repetitious and boring, look to the Letters to the Editor; it is to the usual grist as Jerry Springer is to The Brady Bunch.
Originally published in the Journal of the California Dental Association, 07/98.